


I Know The Pieces Fit 'Cause I Watched Them Tumble Down

by e_mors



Series: Make It Good [24]
Category: Actor RPF, Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 21:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14962622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_mors/pseuds/e_mors
Summary: Timmy goes to Armie.





	I Know The Pieces Fit 'Cause I Watched Them Tumble Down

**Author's Note:**

> The long title is from Tool song [Schism](https://vimeo.com/21443955) which I cannot recommend enough, really.

This apartment, this city, this whole theatre endeavour - it’s all very foreign to him, so new, an adventure of sorts. He should feel good about it, because it means he’s doing what scares him, just like Luca has thought him. But he cannot shake the feeling that all of this is so undeniably connected to Tim and that single thought takes the ground from under his feet. It’s Timmy’s city, theatre is his passion. In an ideal world he would share this experience with him right now. But there is no Tim. Not anymore.

He still cannot fathom how fast it all tumbled down. Just when his lungs finally filled with fresh air as he let out a sigh of relief, because he found himself on the right path, he blinked just for a second and it was all gone. Just like that. The years of struggle to get to that point, two years of this unbearable longing, suddenly so ridiculous and insignificant, knocked down by a small mistake, a drunken misstep, by nothing.

Nothing that rules his world now. For Armie is alone. He can’t even remember when was the last time he felt this way. Over a decade ago, for sure. He’s intimidated by this uncharted teritory. The space around him is filled with white noise that doesn’t get disturbed by any real human contact. How one fills this gap? The disturbing quiet in his head makes him feel disconnected. How not to feel hollow? How to use this time and not waste it?

Sometimes he suddenly hears Timmy’s voice breaking the silence, saying his name or just laughing, spreading joy and warmth into his body. When he snaps out of it, his stomach drops and he feels even worse than before.

Other times he finds himself daydreaming about him coming here, just unapologetically bursting in, taking over yet again. What it is about Tim that makes it so easy to give all control over to him, just give up entirely? For some reason it just works, they just fit and there is that intoxicating feeling of freedom in it, Armie cannot wrap his head around how that can be exactly. But he thinks he should probably stop counting on logic. He should probably stop thinking about it all together, because Tim’s not here, so he clearly doesn’t care anymore. But if he walked in through that door, Armie would hand himself over to him at once. How can he be so willing to trust him right after his foolish betrayal? Armie doesn’t want to know.

 

_______

 

The door opens after the third knock. Armie stands in front of him, two steps away. Timmy’s heart jumps and flutters, his eyes well up immediately just at the sight of Armie’s face, so soft, beautiful and hurt.

„Armie.” he reaches his hand to touch at least the fabric of his shirt, anything to connect them, to link them together, because he doesn’t want to feel they are a world apart.

Armie doesn’t move, doesn’t pull away. Timmy’s hand travels from his arm, along the length of the sleeve until he reaches Armie’s hand and interlinks their fingers.

„Armie.” his heart beats fast and loud, he’s sure Armie can hear it.

„I’m so sorry.” He knows he said it before and it hasn’t changed anything then, but it’s how he should start, it’s how he feels.

„I know it’s not important, but I was drunk to a point of no control. It shouldn’t have happened either way. And it will never happen again, Armie, I promise you.”

Armie doesn’t look at him. He looks at their hands, at his own thumb caressing Timmy’s skin slowly, a natural reflex he can’t seem to stifle even when he should.

„And I should have told you right away, Armie. I know that too.” he takes their hands to his face and brushes his cheek with the back of Armie’s palm.

„You have every right to be disappointed in me, I’m disappointed in myself more.” he places soft kisses on Armie’s knuckles.

Armie looks down, his eyes are wet, he gasps rather than breathes.

„But I love you and I won’t let you go and I won’t let you give up on me.” he takes Armie’s face into his hands and lifts it up to force their eyes to meet.

There’s no fight in Armie’s gaze. There is absolutely no trace of resistance.

„I love you.” he tries to see if these words settle in, what is their affect on Armie’s face and body and he can’t help but smile, when he sees how Armie’s features relax a little bit and his lips part slightly.

„Can I kiss you?” Timmy asks not only because it’s right thing to say, but because it is theirs. They have every line of the movie at their service, it belongs to them forever.

„Yes, please.” Armie answers, there is no other way.

The kiss is slow and tentative at first, Timmy tests the waters by light touches, shy licks and quiet sighs. But when he feels Armie’s hands stroking his neck and jaw, all inhibitions disappear and he sucks his kiss, as hungry as ever.

He pulls away unwillingly, but he needs Armie to say it. That he forgives him.

„Say something, Armie.”

Armie immediately averts his eyes and creates distance between them. Timmy doesn’t let go, though.

„Please.”

„What do you want me to say? You are here.” his voice is quiet and a little higher than usual, vulnerable.

Timmy takes him into his arms, kisses his ear, his neck, his jaw, with each peck repeating „I am here. I am here.”. As he reaches his mouth he pleads again, as he sure will many times more.

„Armie, I am yours. Do you believe me?”

Armie kisses him without reply, his tongue so desperate and uncharacteristically submissive. That kiss makes Tim undone with desire, it takes him apart and puts him together anew.

Armie feels it and says:

„I believe you.”

 

He sighs. He’s been standing in front of that door for a while now, replaying the scenario in his head again and again, each time tweaking it just so it’s a little more hopeful and a little less dark. When he was still mid-flight, he lost focus on what he was supposed to say, what he wanted to say and started to think about Armie’s reactions, the way he might behave, what he was most likely to do.

Now as he straightens his back and runs his fingers through his hair he feels unprepared and he’s pretty sure that it’s not going to go well. He closes his eyes and knocks on the door, hoping for the best.

 

 


End file.
